To start again

He gave me self worth, understanding, lovingness, but left me with a scare in my heart and a stain in my eyes. I’m forever alone, I’m okay with being with no one but him, but he isn’t here any more. It feels like I can’t live any more, or lead a normal life. I’m caught in the world; the nightmare that I never thought could be real; now is a living reality. As I sit on my bed, in my bedroom, door closed lights off. I cry silently screaming, I cry for help but hoping that no one hears me, I cry for safety, happiness, and love. But no one can hear me, if I even screamed it into their ears at the top of my lungs, no one could hear me. I slowly am falling asleep with a harshly beating heart, eyes full of tears, and the silence; just pure silence of the room that surrounds my organic body. Gripping my pillow tightly I slowly and painfully fall into a meditative state, hopefully wishing I could see him in my dreams, for I know that is the only way on earth I could ever see him. And in the back of my head, very softly my conscious tells me, ‘please heart just give up, stop your rhythm, stop your ache.’ But I wake the next day hazed and lost; To start again.