A love letter for a funeral

I could not smell you, or taste you, you had no feeling to you; the only feeling I had was the overwhelming feeling of blankness. Every thing went blank, the sound of the crowd and the music silenced when I looked into your eyes. They looked at me and I could see every thing. The earth from above, birds flying up close, and the universe, it was all so vivid, but it looked so small from where we were. It was all like a dream that you have shown me. The only thing I thought at that moment was, “Is she an angel?” cause I have never felt so besieged. Then a single tear ran down your face. As one of the guards told you to take a bottle of water; you were dehydrated. An angel with no water; but you felt like water was cascading over you, like a waterfall upon glass. I couldn’t move, your eyes had hypnotized me. The only movement I took was to kiss your soft rose peddle lips. It wasn’t like all those other girls that came to hold me or kiss me; I couldn’t even put my finger on it. I just knew that you had to tell me some thing, but how, but what? I was confused beyond comprehension, then all of a sudden you dropped; the music came back the roar of the crowd came back, the lights got brighter, I could feel me toes and fingers again as if they were asleep. You laid on the ground so motionlessly, so gently, like you were a butterfly that had just passed in the summer time. Sad, but delicate; I couldn’t cry. Before I could drop to my knees and scream. Guards picked you up and sifted you away. I just stared at your dangling had, as it bounced with the guards each step off the stage, it seemed to reach out to me, but I still couldn’t move. I was paralyzed as if I forgotten how to walk or move. My knees became weak, and as I fell my chest flooded with pure agony, like my heart started to cry; I thought I was having a heart attack it hurt so badly. I stayed curled up in a ball crying and screaming, it felt like I was forgotten again, it felt like I was so alone, I grew cold. Even though the lights that were shining on me could start a fire, they were so hot. I wish you were here right now, I wish you wouldn’t had passed, I don’t even remember what you look like it happened so fast, the only thing I remember on how you looked was your name tag, it said “Cassandra Dea”. I remember that free fall feeling and then hitting the ground. The pain that I felt and the… I can’t even explain the feeling; it was such a beautiful feeling. And now that I know what it feels like, I know that I can never live the same again.